A cold, cold town...

I never before understood how you could wear mitts inside the house... but that was before I got to know New York winters! I'm often home during the day, and our landlady doesn't want to let the heat on all day. So I broke out some (not handknit) mitts I stole from my grandmother last year, and I am now twice as motivated to get cracking on the next pattern I want to design ... Mexican inspired colorwork mitts! 

Yarn: Koigu Premium Merino

I finally found exactly the colors I was looking for, now they're just waiting for me to finish knitting and writing Skyline for the Yarn Company. I already frogged a half knit version because I didn't like the border, but I think this one is the right one. I actually like the trial and error approach, even if it's more time consuming. It helps me really figure out what informations I should give the knitters to make it as easy as possible for them. I'm excited to see the end result, and soooo in love with the Taxi and Bad girl colorways together!!! 

Last week I entered a giveaway on Hunter Hammersen's Violently Domestic blog for Kate Atherley new book, Pattern Writing for Knit Designers, and I WON! The timing couldn't have been better, and this book is proving to be an invaluable resource for the budding designer I am. Kate does a great job of organizing all the knowledge she gathered over her years as a knitting teacher and designer and presenting it in a very concise and appealing way. You can purchase the book on her website HERE.

Fiber: Three Waters Farm Merino Silk in Sunny Window / AllSpunUp Merino

Since my wheel is in France, I have been buying very little fiber for two years. But once in a blue moon, when I need cheering up, my eye will get caught by pretty colors and I will indulge in a couple of braids. Three Waters Farm is one of my favorites, I just want all of their colorways!!! 

In this cold, cold winter, I'm so grateful for the solace that I find in warm tea, bright colors and soft fibers. Holding on to those little things are getting me through each day at this time of change and relentless self questionment. Without me realizing it, knitting has become the only thing that's constant in my life, that always connects me to myself no matter what the outside circumstances are. And I am grateful for that, more than ever.

Ps: And look at what I got for myself as a encouragement on this new path I'm taking! So in love with Moo cards, they are the best!

A time of change

      This holiday season has brought with it much turmoil and upheaved our usual family festivities. My beloved grandmother, who taught me to knit and with whom I had a magical relationship, passed away on Christmas Eve. I am so grateful that I was able to fly home early and see her and laugh with her and sing with her one last time. She was the most incredible woman, never said a bad word against anyone in 97 years, and everyone we talked to afterwards had a special story to tell us about her. 

Lost paradise of childhood...

As she left us, we were all around her, and I was knitting her a pair of socks. I was well aware that it was pointless, but I felt that to keep knitting it was a way to stay connected to her until the end. Those half finished socks are now at the bottom of my knitting bag. One day I will frog them, but I'm not quite ready yet.

The lonely, unfinished sock.

     It is the first time I have lost someone so important in my life and, with the grief, it is bringing about a lot of uncomfortable questions about myself, my purpose and the way I experience the world. To remain in knitting territory, I have noticed that instead of using knitting as a mindfulness practice, I've been using it to disconnect myself from what was going on around me. As nice as it is to knit while in class, or while talking to a friend, it puts distance between me and the moment. This is one of the (many) changes I would like to make, as I try to live my life in a way that moves towards awareness. Knitting is a wonderful meditation/mindfulness practice, if it is used as such, and I am determined to do so. I cannot keep ignoring the fact that I go through life refusing to let myself experience it, refusing to trust myself, refusing to make choices, in a constant state of denial or escapism.

        While I was spending a week at my mom's between Christmas and New Year, I gave myself time to dive a little more into designing. My Chrysler pattern is pretty much figured out, I just need the go ahead from The Yarn Company and the test yarn. I also did a first tentative chart for the Mexican mitts I've been thinking about for months now. I'm not 100% sure of it, but it's a start.

      I'm beginning to understand why some designers become dyers. You'd think with all the options available, it would be easy to find the right yarn for a design! But I never seem to find the exact right color/effect I have in mind. And while I usually have no problem buying from the internet, here I'm reluctant because I would like to touch the yarn and figure out if it fits what I have in mind... I'm much more demanding as a designer than as a knitter! I wish I could dye my own yarn, like Beata or Tanis - both businesses you need to check if you like pretty colors... :)

Spun from a braid by Beata... you just cannot go wrong!

 
   Speaking of pretty colors, let me leave you on this, the yarn I was spinning during this whole sleepless week. It is messy and irregular, just like I feel right now. I called it Renoir, because it reminds me of the impressionist paintings my grandmother took me to see when I was no more than five. We both remained in love with them all our lives, and it is one of the many sparks of her that will live in me forever.  

The beginning

So here we are. Four years ago, after a couple scarves in garter stitch, I picked up the Shipwreck Shawl pattern. I had been dabbling in all kinds of crafts for my whole life, but never really developed a special relationship with any of them. Until then. After that shawl, I was hooked. I think it was a combination of the simplicity of it (2 sticks and some string) and the endless possibilities that it allowed, plus the fact that what I was creating was functional and could actually be given a life and a purpose other than to sit there and be pretty. 

My first "non scarf" knitting project

What ensued was a serious addiction to yarn (I once traveled to the US with an almost empty camping backpack, which only purpose was to carry the yarn I had planned to buy. That was back when I had a steady job and no rent to pay!) and a delighted foray into the world of spinning. For some reason, fiber and yarn filled me with ever renewed joy, and the well of colors and materials was endless. 

Spindle days, before I got my wheel... 

I always managed to fit knitting into into my (many!) other activities, and until now I have been content to just follow patterns and enjoy the process. I wished I was a faster knitter, and I wished I had a better memory for techniques and didn't have to look them up every time they reappeared, but all in all, I didn't need more than what I was already doing. 

I did get into more complicated lace after a while...

But then I moved to New York, and I started acting, and knitting became both a luxury and a necessity to stay sane and hold on to a feeling of being productive, even during long hours of sitting in class without working. I moved from huge, complicated projects to small mindless ones that I could knit anywhere, and developed a craving for bright colors, probably due to my spending my days in a basement. I also started to realize that what I liked to knit was not necessarily what I liked to wear, and I came to the conclusion what I wanted were patterns that were at once challenging, practical, and used color in an exciting way. Now there are a lot of those patterns out there, but I could help beginning to have IDEAS... And once IDEAS begin, it is the end of mindless anything...

The $4 yarn from the corner store is great for samples! 

 So here we are. I'm embarking on a design journey, and already pulling my hair out because what I want to do with color cannot be done. Also, I never really paid attention to construction, and know I'm regretting it. But most of all, I'm excited! I know there's a lot of competition out there, but just being able to create a pattern that is my own would be an achievement and a joy in itself! Right now I'm working on a bicolor modern lace/slipped stitch shawl for The Yarn Company, but I have so many other ideas already... I'm going to need more yarn! :)